ND 1-2-3: Building bounce-back-ability, one small moment at a time

Let’s say your child tries something new and it doesn’t go the way they hoped. Maybe they freeze up. Maybe they melt down. Or maybe they give up altogether — and say they never want to try again.

A big lesson about resilience probably isn’t going to land in that moment. But what can start today is helping your neurodiverse child build that resilience, self-awareness, and a sense of optimism. The coping skills your child needs in hard moments is developed in the calm ones. Slowly, with patience, and one at a time.

Here’s the 1-2-3:

Every child is different, so it helps to try a few approaches to find what actually works for yours. Introduce one and try it for a week or two before moving on.

#1: Calm the body. Slow breathing, a short walk, or a stretch can shift a child out of high alert. It can quiet the “feeling brain” and allow the “thinking brain” to come back into the mix. Younger kids often like games, like pretending to smell a cup of hot cocoa then blowing on the imaginary steam. (Slow inhale, slow exhale.)

#2: Shift the focus. Drawing, music, or a few minutes with a favorite book can give an overwhelmed brain a break. These quieter activities help settle the nervous system without asking a child to talk about what’s wrong right away.

#3: Name the feeling. Giving an emotion a name — “Anxious Annie is visiting” — can make it feel smaller and separate from your child’s identity. Naming takes some of the power out of a big feeling.

Again, the goal is not to try to make any hard feelings disappear. The feelings are natural for every child and adult. These tools are about learning how to ride the waves. So instead of getting tumbled around, they can balance. Even at the peak, they can learn to stay steady until it smooths out. 

Observe where your child really is, adjust with one small tool, and repeat what works. Bounce-back-ability isn’t built in one big moment. It’s built in the calm days and in all the small ways you get to practice together.

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