ND 1-2-3: Your child’s relationship with themselves

Kids are just at the beginning of figuring the whole world out. Knowing where and how they stand in it helps everything else make sense. Their relationship with themselves matters just as much as every other relationship they build in their life. 

When kids know who they are, they can tell what feels right and what doesn’t. They understand what is meaningful to them. They begin to know when to say yes and when it’s time to say no. 

When a child understands and accepts the way their brain works, it goes a long way towards building self-confidence. That helps their relationship with themselves and with others. You can help, too.

Here’s the 1-2-3:

#1: Help your child learn what they need and when 

Your child’s body and behavior can tell you a lot. You can help them notice things like:

• What helps them feel calm, like a soft blanket, music, or movement

• What feels like too much, like noise, crowds, or surprise touch

• What they love doing on their own

Let’s say your child hides under the table at a family dinner. You might say, “It looks like the noise in here feels like too much right now. Your body might need a quiet break.” Encourage them over time to recognize those feelings themselves.

#2: Help them say it out loud

When they are feeling overwhelmed and able to catch it, help them express it verbally. You can give your child short, clear sentences to use:

• “I need a break.”

• “No hugs, please. Can we high five?”

• “I want to play by myself right now.”

Some kids may find it easier to use a card, a picture, or a hand signal instead. Decide together what works so there’s less confusion. Respect those boundaries at home, too. When you stop pulling them close after they say no, they learn that using calm, clear words work.

#3: Highlight gratitude and solitude

Alone time can help your child rest and recharge. If needed, you can make a short list or picture board of things they like to do by themselves. When they spend time on their own, it can help quiet the mind and allow them space to focus on something they enjoy.

Add a simple gratitude moment, too. Each night, say something simple you’re grateful for. It can be, “I got to snuggle the dog today” or “I’m thankful we have time to read books before bed.” Then, ask your child to name one thing they’re grateful for. It can be about themselves or about someone/something else. Either can give a quick, healthy dose of feel-good in their brain and body.

Thankful for the relationship that lasts

When your child knows what they need, they feel more sure of themselves. That strong relationship with themselves is something to be grateful for. You can help them build it over time in small ways. We can help.

Did you know that when you’re a BrightLife Kids member, it doesn’t cost or commit you to anything? It does unlock an even bigger digital library (in the app), gives you immediate connections with other parents in our private peer communities, and allows you to chat or meet with an experienced coach. 

Whether you need one session or a bunch, it’s worth it. We’re here for every California family. And if you’re here, that means you, too. Join BrightLife Kids today — it’s free and fast!