ND 1-2-3: Finding gratitude for the good relationships

For many families, November is a season to notice the good in life. That could mean having a warm bed, a favorite teacher, or Friday night pizza. It can also mean the people who make life feel safe, warm, and kind.

For neurodivergent kids, gratitude for friendships can look a little different. Your child may show care in their own way. They might not say “thank you” on cue, look someone in the eye, or like big hugs. That doesn’t mean they don’t feel thankful.

You can help your child notice the good people in their life, practice kindness, and feel good about who they are. 

Here’s the 1-2-3:

#1: Observe

Start by watching how your child connects with others. You may find they show gratitude more than you think.

• Who do they light up around? Notice who your child looks for, follows, or talks about.

• How do they show they care? It might be sharing a favorite fact, bringing a toy, or sitting close by.

• What gets in the way? Noise, crowds, surprise touch, or not knowing what to say can make connection hard.

Let’s say your child never says “thanks” to Grandma. But every visit, they bring her their newest drawing. That’s a way of showing gratitude, too. Name it out loud: “I see you brought Grandma your drawing. I think that’s a special way for you to make her feel appreciated.”

#2: Adjust

Once you know how your child connects, or what makes their days brighter, you can shape a gratitude practice that fits. 

Help your child identify who does things to make life feel good. Try asking clear questions to help them notice the good, like, “Who helped you in class today?” Point out kindness as it happens, in plain words: “Oh, it was kind of the teacher to spend those extra minutes reading with you, wasn’t it? I’m grateful he wants to help you learn.”

Let your child say thanks their way. Saying it out loud isn’t the only option. Your child could:

• Draw a picture or make a card

• Give a thumbs up, a wave, or a high five

• Type a short message or use a fill-in card: “Thanks for ___.”

Being specific still helps. “Thanks for helping me finish the chapter” shows the person your child noticed what they did.

#3: Repeat

Gratitude is a practice. And like with other things, routines help new skills stick. Pick one small gratitude moment and do it the same way often.

• Tie it to something you already do. On the drive home, each person names one person who was kind today.

• Make it visual. Try a thank-you chart, a jar of notes, or a photo board of people your child is grateful for.

• Keep it short and low pressure. One thought is enough. Praise the effort, not the perfect words. 

Over time, your child may start to spot kindness on their own. They may even find new ways to show it.

Grateful in their own ways

Your child doesn’t need to show they’re thankful in the same ways as anyone else. Finding the good in their life happens one step at a time. Notice and highlight what makes your child’s day a little brighter. Help them see the good people around them. And allow them to say thanks in a way that feels authentic to them. 

Did you know that when you’re a BrightLife Kids member, it doesn’t cost or commit you to anything? It does unlock an even bigger digital library (in the app), gives you immediate connections with other parents in our private peer communities, and allows you to chat or meet with an experienced coach. 

Whether you need one session or a bunch, it’s worth it. We’re here for every California family. And if you’re here, that means you, too. Join BrightLife Kids today — it’s free and fast!