If you’re a parent, you’ve probably witnessed it: a sudden surge of emotion, loud cries, maybe stomping feet or flailing arms — a full-on meltdown. Whether your child is a toddler, preschooler, or even in early elementary school, tantrums are a natural (but often overwhelming) part of growing up.
And they’re not your child “being bad” or “trying to push buttons.” Tantrums or meltdowns happen when big feelings flood your child’s system and their emotional brain takes over. In those intense moments, they’re not thinking clearly. They’re simply overwhelmed.
If you’ve ever googled “How to deal with tantrums?” or whispered to yourself, “When do tantrums end?”, you’re definitely not alone. So many parents wonder if tantrums are a typical behavior at whatever age their child is, or how to help their child stop melting down over what feels like everything.
The good news: while tantrums are normal, they’re also a chance to teach emotional awareness and build your child’s inner calm. Below are three gentle, powerful strategies that can help de-escalate those tough moments and bring more peace to your home.
Tip 1: Stay calm, stay grounded
The first tool in our calm-down toolbox is co‑regulation. What does that mean? It means that as a caregiver, you stay calm and centered and offer your calm presence to your child.
When your child’s emotions are spinning, their ability to regulate themselves is impaired. That’s why it’s critical for you to become their anchor. If your child’s “emotional radar” is up at full blast, you don’t meet them there. You meet them where you are — grounded, steady, breathing.
Here’s how this could look in real life: maybe you sit beside them on the floor, offer your hand on their chest, and take deep, steady breaths together. Your steady heartbeat and slow breaths can help soothe their nervous system, showing (without words) that everything is going to be okay.
This kind of physical closeness and calm presence sends a powerful message: “I am here. I am calm. I will help you through this.”
Tip 2: Get moving, release tension
Sometimes, kids (and grownups!) get completely “stuck” in their feelings — overwhelmed and unable to let go. That’s when physical grounding can help: moving, stomping, squeezing, just doing something physical that helps the body release tension.
If your toddler is having a meltdown, you might say, “Hey, let’s stomp our feet together,” or “Wanna squeeze your stuffed bunny with me?” You could even make it a bit silly, to lighten the moment: “Stomp like a big dinosaur!”
Movement helps discharge built-up energy. And the act of doing something physical together can help your child feel less alone in their emotions.
Not only does physical grounding help release energy, but it also subtly communicates, “It’s okay to be angry.” Sometimes kids just need to know their feelings are valid and there are safe ways to express them.
Tip 3: Gently change the vibe
The third tool is a sensory shift, a gentle reset for your child’s brain and body. A small change to their senses can sometimes interrupt a spiraling meltdown and help them reconnect to the present moment.
Here are a few examples:
“Let’s feel this cool water on your hands.” The cool sensation can help bring their attention away from the emotional chaos.
“Let’s count all the red cars we see out the window” if you’re in the car. Turning attention to something simple and concrete gives their brain a small “job,” which can help slow down overwhelming feelings.
Put on a song. Music can sometimes be just the change your child needs.
The beauty of a sensory shift is that it doesn’t require long words or big explanations — just simple, gentle redirection.
When the storm has passed
Once the tantrum or meltdown has cooled, now’s the time for conversation. Because now, their logical brain is back online. That’s when you can say things like:
“Hey, I saw you were really upset about leaving the playground.”
“I understand, it’s hard when you want more time to play.”
“When you feel angry or sad like that again, you can tell me. I’m here to help.”
You can give them choices, set a timer, or help them understand what’s next. This is also an opportunity to validate their feelings, let them know their emotions make sense while also helping them learn healthier ways to express themselves.
“What age do tantrums stop?” — or do they?
Many parents hope for a magic age when tantrums disappear. The honest answer is: there’s no one specific age when tantrums stop forever.
Toddlers, preschoolers — these early childhood years are full of growth, big emotions, and learning. As your child’s communication skills, emotional awareness, and self-regulation capabilities improve, tantrums and meltdowns will tend to become less frequent and less intense.
That said, tantrums can still happen from time to time — even beyond the toddler years. New frustrations, transitions (like starting school), tiredness, or feeling misunderstood can spark them at older ages too. But what usually shifts is how often they happen, and how your child recovers.
The real goal isn’t to “stop tantrums forever,” but to build emotional resilience: to help your child learn healthy ways to feel big feelings and calm down when emotions run high.
Learning to navigate big emotions
Here’s the truth: tantrums and meltdowns are messy. They can feel heartbreaking, exhausting, and chaotic. As a parent, you might feel guilty, frustrated, or at a loss. And sometimes, it can feel like you’re doing everything wrong.
But if you practice these three tools — co‑regulation, physical grounding, and sensory shift — you are doing something profoundly powerful. More than just offering your child safety, calm, and a way through the storm, you are teaching them that it’s okay to feel big feelings. That anger, sadness, frustration — they’re all part of being human. And most importantly, you’re helping them learn how to move through those feelings with care and kindness.
Toddler tantrums, meltdowns, temper tantrums — they are all part of early childhood. They can leave us drained. But they don’t have to leave us hopeless. Remember: it’s not about stopping feelings. It’s about helping your child ride through them safely. And with time, many of those storms will grow quieter.
Need more support?
BrightLife Kids offers free behavioral health coaching, digital tools, and care coordination for families with kids ages 0–12. It’s simple, compassionate help — at no cost to you and signing up only takes a few minutes.