Does bedtime in your house ever come with a side of big worries? That familiar call for "one more hug" or the quiet question, "...but what if I need you?" Or have you noticed your kids suddenly refusing to go to school, complaining of stomachaches, or asking for constant reassurance.
These moments tug at your heart, and they may be more than just “phases.” Recognizing anxiety in kids early is like spotting a small spark before it becomes a flame: the sooner we act, the more we can help a child feel safe, strong, and heard.
Did you know that worry is actually one of our body’s superpowers? Think of it like a personal security alarm that’s designed to keep us safe from danger. But sometimes, that alarm gets a little sensitive and goes off when we don't really need it to, like a fire drill when there’s no fire. That’s when those feelings of worry can start to feel a little too big.
Worry often shows up differently in kids than it does in adults, with emotional, physical, and behavioral signs that may be easy to miss. Learn how to see those signs clearly, along with when it might be time to seek extra help, like a behavioral health coach. You’ll also learn how approaches like cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can make a meaningful difference in helping children feel better.
Typical anxiety vs. something more
First, a reminder: some worry is normal. As children grow, they face new challenges (school, friendships, transitions), and these naturally stir nervousness.
But anxiety disorders differ from typical anxiety when:
The worry or fear is unusually intense for their age
It lasts for many months (often 6 months or more)
It interferes with everyday life (school, friendships, sleep, or home routines)
Children may not always say “I’m anxious.” Instead, they show us through behavior, body, or mood. That’s why a clear list of the symptoms of childhood anxiety can help you spot what’s happening more quickly.
The many faces of anxiety in kids
With kids, signs of worrying and anxiety can sneak in quietly. It may even seem like they’re lying or acting out, but usually there’s another reason they’re acting this way.
Here’s a breakdown of the different ways anxiety might show up in children.
1. Emotional & thinking clues
These are the things happening inside — feelings and thoughts that kids may not always know how to talk about:
Constant worry about everyday things (like grades, safety, or little “what-ifs”)
Imagining the worst-case scenario (“What if you don’t pick me up?” “What if I mess up?”)
Trouble focusing because the worries are so loud, or their mind going totally blank
Lots of self-doubt or put-down thoughts (“I’m not good at this,” “I’ll get it wrong”)
Repeating the same worried thoughts over and over
Fear of being judged or embarrassed, especially around other kids
Obsessive thoughts or urges to check things over and over
2. Physical signs in the body
When kids feel anxious, their bodies often go into “alert mode,” even if there’s no real danger. You might notice:
Headaches, tummy aches, or feeling sick without any clear reason
Shaky hands, sweating, or feeling flushed
Fast heartbeat or feeling like it’s hard to breathe
Restlessness, jumpiness, or tense muscles
Low energy or tiredness that doesn’t make sense
Trouble falling asleep, waking up in the middle of the night, or having bad dreams
Other aches, skin rashes, or stomach issues that don’t seem to have a medical cause
3. Behavior & social signals
These are the signs that tend to show up in everyday routines and interactions:
Avoiding things that feel scary or stressful (like school, sleepovers, or birthday parties)
Needing constant reassurance or becoming extra clingy, especially with caregivers
Big outbursts, meltdowns, or irritability when feeling overwhelmed
Trouble separating from a parent or caregiver, lots of tears or panic at goodbyes
Frequent requests to stay home or saying they feel sick before school or activities
Perfectionism and trying super hard to get things just right or spending too long on small tasks
Avoiding social situations or being really quiet around other kids
Speaking comfortably at home, but completely shutting down at school or in public
It’s common for kids to show a mix of these signs — some emotional, some physical, some behavioral. That kind of overlap is normal, and the good news is, it’s also very treatable. A BrightLife Kids behavioral health coach can help you identify what these symptoms mean and work with you to decide on the best way to handle it.
When should you be worried about “Worry?”
Here are some red flags that warrant extra attention:
The worry sticks around for a long time and doesn’t seem to fade
It gets in the way of everyday life — missing school, avoiding friends, or skipping things they usually enjoy
Consistent complaints of tummy aches, headaches, or feeling sick pop up often, but doctors can’t find a medical reason
Big meltdowns or tantrums happen when they’re asked to face fears or triggers
They lean on constant reassurance or avoidance just to get through
The anxiety starts spreading — from school worries to social life to home
You notice signs of sadness, low mood, or even hopelessness
Deep down, you feel it’s more than “just behavior” — it’s real distress.
If you see patterns like these, it’s wise to consult a pediatrician or child mental health professional. A coach from BrightLife Kids can also help you figure out the best path forward.
The role of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) for kids
Studies show that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can be an effective way to treat anxiety. It focuses on how our thoughts affect our feelings and behaviors, and helps build coping skills.
Kids learn these skills through exercises called exposures that show them how to use reasoning and past experiences.
What you can do now
1. Observe & record
Keep a “worry journal” for a week or two. Note when symptoms appear, how long they last, what seems to trigger them, and how intense they are (mild, moderate, severe). Also, keep note of the things that seem to help.
2. Talk it out with your child
Use simple, caring language. For example:
“I’ve noticed sometimes your tummy hurts or you don’t want to go to school. Can you tell me how you feel inside? You don’t have to brave it on your own. We can figure it out together.” or “some kids feel really nervous about playing with new teammates and it can make it harder to go to practice. Does that sound like you?”
3. Tell them it’s normal
Let them know that everybody worries sometimes and that anxiety and other emotions come and go like waves. Let them know that anxiety is like your body’s natural fire alarm and that for some people it starts to go off when it's not needed (like that time when grandpa burned the toast). That whole false alarm thing is totally something we can work on fixing. Give examples of when you feel nervous too.
4. Show them how you handle being worried
Children often learn from how we handle emotions. Talk through how you face situations even when you feel worried, what you might worry about in these situations vs what ends up happening. “Turns out it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be!” or "I'm recognizing that I’m super worried about being late right now but I’m going to remember that my boss is usually understanding about early morning traffic”
5. Face fears one step at a time
If your child avoids something, help them try it in steps. Breaking down the situation into smaller pieces — with rewards for bravery! — can make hard things feel more approachable and keeps your kid at the table, so to speak. Facing your fears, when the situation is objectively safe, is the most important thing to do to address anxiety when it starts to become a problem.
6. Seek professional guidance early
Even if symptoms seem “mild,” early support may prevent worsening. Talk to a coach from BrightLife Kids or ask your pediatrician for referrals to child psychologists or therapists.
Don’t worry - you got this
Noticing signs of problematic anxiety in a child is more than awareness, it’s a preventative measure. By tuning into what big worry really looks like, caregivers can offer support early, before fear takes a deeper root.
If a child shows several of these signs for many weeks or months, and it’s getting in the way of daily life, reach out. A pediatrician, school counselor, or child therapist can help figure out what’s going on and what kind of support will help most.
And if you’re not sure where to start, a BrightLife Kids coach is here to help. We can offer guidance, calming tools, and mindful check-ins that make big feelings feel a little smaller.
No one has to walk this road alone. With compassion, curiosity, and the right tools, kids can learn to name their worries, face their fears, and feel safe in their growing world. Bit by bit, with the right support, they will start feeling confident and happy again.