Behavior and emotional regulation for kids
Big feelings are part of growing up. They can show up fast (hello, tantrums), feel huge (hello, worry), and sometimes surprise everyone in the room (including the grown-ups).
At BrightLife Kids, we think of emotions like waves. They rise, peak, and roll back out. The key is learning to ride the wave instead of getting pulled under. And the good news? It’s a skill kids and caregivers can build.
What is emotional regulation in child development?
Emotional regulation is a child’s ability to notice feelings, name them, and respond in a way that helps, not hurts.
It’s not about “never getting upset.” It’s about building the inner skills to move from reacting to responding.
A helpful way to understand behavior is the ABC’s:
When families understand the ABC’s and learn emotional regulation skills, kids can shift from “fight, flight, or freeze” to calmer, more thoughtful choices. And parents can respond with more confidence and less conflict.
1
Antecedent
What happened first (the trigger)
2
Behavior
What your child did
3
Consequence
What happened after
Common emotional regulation challenges families notice
Tantrums and meltdowns: frequent crying, yelling, or big physical reactions when frustrated or told “no”
Anxiety and worry: nerves, “butterflies,” clinginess, or avoiding school/social situations
Difficulty calming down: needing lots of reassurance or struggling to self-soothe after getting upset
Impulsivity: reacting instantly (words or actions) without a pause
Physical signs of stress: stomach aches, headaches, shakiness, or tension when emotions run high
Conditions and areas we commonly support
Families often ask for help with:
Anxiety
Sadness
Low mood
ADHD
Focus and attention
Stress
Mindfulness
Tough transitions
Bedtime and sleep
Organization skills
Emotional regulation strategies you can try today
Positive opposites - Instead of telling your child what not to do (“Stop yelling”), tell them what to do:
“Please use your inside voice.”
“Hands stay on your own body.”
“Use words to tell me what you need.”
Kids do better when the instruction is clear and doable.
The bravery ladder (for worries) - Turn one big scary thing into tiny steps, like ladder rungs:
Look at a picture of the thing
Talk about it
Practice a small piece
Try the next rung when ready
Progress beats perfection.
Deep breathing that actually works for kids - Try:
Birthday candle breathing: slow inhale, then blow out “candles” gently
Square breathing: inhale 4, hold 4, exhale 4, hold 4 (use fingers to trace a square)
Breathing helps the body feel safe, so the brain can calm down.
Label the feeling - Naming emotions lowers their intensity and helps kids feel understood:
“I see you’re frustrated.”
“That felt disappointing.”
“You’re worried about what might happen.”
You’re not “giving in.”
You’re giving language.
Make a calming box - Create a little “reset station” your child can use anytime:
stress ball or fidget
drawing pad
cozy texture (soft cloth, putty)
a favorite photo
a simple feelings chart
How BrightLife Kids coaching helps
Coaching is collaborative, practical, and focused on everyday life. Most importantly: we meet you where you are. Together, we set meaningful goals and build a toolbox your child can use at home, at school, and out in the world.
Depending on your family’s needs, coaching may include:
Peace of mind
Clear instructions, effective praise, and parenting strategies to reduce power struggles
Exposure strategies
Step-by-step support to help kids face fears and reduce avoidance
Cognitive reframing
Helping kids notice “blue” thoughts and practice “true” thoughts that feel more helpful
Mindfulness and body scans
Noticing where feelings live in the body and using calming skills to release tension
Ready to build emotional regulation skills together?
If your child is struggling with big feelings, you don’t have to guess your way through it. BrightLife Kids is here with supportive coaching, simple tools, and a plan you can actually use on a busy day.
BrightLife Kids is free for all California kids ages 0–12
Thanks to support from the State of California, families can access our behavioral health coaching services at no cost. When you join, you’ll get:
Free video coaching sessions tailored to your child
Secure messaging with expert coaches
Parenting tools and resources you can use right away
No cost. No insurance. No referral needed.
Just support — when and where you need it.