Your child's coping toolkit: building positive skills for tough moments
Big feelings are part of being human. However, it seems like the smaller the human, the bigger the feelings. Whether it’s frustration over a forgotten toy, anxiety about a test, or sadness after a rough day, kids of all ages experience emotional waves that can feel overwhelming.
But the good news? With the right tools, children can learn to surf those waves instead of getting pulled under. Enter: coping skills.
So, what are coping skills? In the simplest terms, they’re techniques that help your child handle hard emotions in healthy, constructive ways. Some help kids change how they think about a big feeling. Others offer space to pause, reflect, and reset. Used together, these coping tools can become your child’s lifelong tool kit for handling their emotions.
How do coping skills work?
When big feelings show up, it can be tough for kids to think clearly. Their "emotion brain" takes over, and their "thinking brain" has a harder time getting a word in. Coping mechanisms act like a pause button. They help calm the body and bring kids back to the present moment, making it easier to handle emotions without getting overwhelmed.
Some coping techniques work by calming the nervous system — like deep breathing or taking a quiet moment. Others distract or shift focus, like drawing or solving a puzzle. Still others empower kids to name what they’re feeling and take back some control. These healthy coping skills all have something in common: they give your child a way to move from emotional overload to a more balanced, thoughtful state.
And like any good habit, the more kids practice coping methods when they’re calm, the more likely they’ll remember to use them when things get tough.
Why healthy coping mechanisms matter
Coping skills aren’t about avoiding feelings or "fixing" emotions. They’re about teaching kids that it’s okay to feel, and that there are healthy ways to respond to those feelings. The earlier we introduce positive coping skills, the more naturally they become part of everyday life. And if your child is older? It’s never too late to learn good coping mechanisms that work for them.
Think of healthy coping mechanisms as tools your child can use to calm their body, regulate their emotions, and get back to their thinking brain. In tough moments, coping methods give kids a sense of control and remind them that they have options.
Here are 15 healthy coping strategies your child can try:
Every child is different, and not every coping technique will click for every kid. The goal is to explore a variety of coping tools together and notice which ones feel most helpful. Some children like movement. Others might prefer quiet time or creative expression. There are so many ways to cope and part of the fun is discovering what works best! If you need a hand, BrightLife Kids is here — our coaches can help.
1. Deep breathing
Simple, powerful, and always available. Teach your child to breathe in slowly through the nose, hold for a count, then exhale gently through the mouth. Younger kids might enjoy blowing imaginary bubbles or pretending to smell a flower.
2. Movement
Wiggly dancing, jumping jacks, or a walk around the block can do wonders. Physical activity is one of the fastest ways to shift the body and brain into a calmer state.
3. Music
Create a calming playlist with your child for tough moments. Music can lift spirits, bring comfort, or even help kids release big feelings.
4. Artistic expression
Draw, paint, dance, sing, sculpt with clay—anything that lets feelings out through creativity is a great coping technique. Art can be a window into your child’s inner world.
5. Writing or reading
Journaling, writing stories, or reading a favorite book can help kids shift into their thinking brain. These quiet activities can soothe the nervous system and give the mind a break.
6. Cold water
A splash of cold water on the face or holding an ice cube can interrupt intense emotions. It might sound strange, but this sensory shift can have a powerful calming effect.
7. Naming feelings
Help your child identify what they’re feeling by giving it a name. “Grumpy Gus is visiting today,” or “Worried Wanda is back.” Naming emotions takes away some of their power and makes them feel more manageable.
8. Handling negative thoughts
For older kids, writing down a negative thought and physically tearing it up can be symbolic and freeing. It helps externalize and release what’s weighing them down.
9. Visualization
Guide your child to imagine a safe, cozy place or picture their worries floating away like balloons. Visualization is a powerful positive coping strategy that invites calm and control.
10. Taking space
Sometimes, a little quiet time is all it takes. Let your child know it’s okay to step away and be alone for a bit. It gives them time to reset without pressure.
11. Gratitude
Reflecting on what’s going well doesn’t erase tough emotions, but it can bring balance. Try a gratitude journal or sharing three good things at bedtime.
12. Mindfulness meditation
Older kids and teens can benefit from sitting quietly and focusing on their breath. Mindfulness builds awareness and helps kids tune into the present moment.
13. Body scan
Have your child imagine a warm, calming light moving from their head to their toes. As it moves, they can relax each muscle it touches. This coping method is especially helpful at bedtime.
14. Stress press or fidget toy
Fidget tools, squishy balls, or even putty can help channel nervous energy. Keeping something handy lets kids manage stress in a hands-on way.
15. Brainstorming solutions
If your child is worried about a specific situation, help them make a plan. Work together to list options or come up with pros and cons. This empowers them to feel capable and proactive.
Making coping skills part of everyday life
Here are some simple ways to encourage regular use of positive coping strategies:
Try a skill of the week. Rotate through coping tools together and reflect on which ones helped most.
Use visuals. Draw or print out your child’s favorite coping techniques and hang them in a visible spot.
Practice when things are calm. Coping skills are easier to use in hard moments if they’ve been rehearsed during easy ones.
Celebrate effort. Give a star, sticker, or high five when your child uses a skill—whether or not it "worked."
Remember, the goal isn’t perfection. It’s progress, practice, and learning.
When to seek extra support
If you notice your child’s tough moments are happening more often, getting more intense, or affecting their daily life and relationships, it might be time to reach out for additional help. A behavioral health coach from BrightLife Kids can guide you through other healthy coping strategies and help you both feel more supported.
A final word on healthy coping skills
There’s no one-size-fits-all when it comes to coping techniques. Your child’s coping toolkit will be as unique as they are. What matters most is creating a supportive space to try things out, talk about emotions, and celebrate every little step forward. And you don’t have to figure it out on your own; we’re here to help.
With time, practice, and your encouragement, your child will learn that big feelings don’t have to be scary because they have real, reliable ways to cope. And that’s a lifelong superpower.