Every child deserves to feel safe, seen, and supported — at home, at school, and everywhere in between. But for too many kids, bullying can get in the way of that sense of safety. Whether it's name-calling, exclusion, or something more serious, bullying can have lasting effects on a child’s emotional and social well-being.
So how do we help? It starts with understanding what bullying really is, what it looks like, and how we as parents and caregivers can be strong, steady guides through it all.
What is bullying?
Bullying isn’t just a one-time disagreement or a case of “kids being kids.” According to the Anti-Bullying Alliance, the definition of bullying is:
“The repetitive, intentional hurting of one person or group by another person or group, where the relationship involves an imbalance of power.”
In other words, bullying happens when someone is being hurt on purpose — again and again — by someone who holds more power, whether that’s physical strength, popularity, or access to social influence (like a friend group or an online following).
That imbalance is key. It’s what makes bullying different from typical conflict.
Types of bullying
Bullying can take many forms. Some are easy to spot, and others are more hidden. Understanding the different types of bullying can help us notice when something isn’t right:
Physical bullying: This is the kind we often think of first — hitting, pushing, poking, or unwanted contact like pinching. It’s direct, visible, and harmful.
Verbal bullying: Name-calling, teasing, threats, sarcasm, or spreading rumors fall into this category. Words can hurt just as much as fists.
Emotional or social bullying: This includes exclusion, manipulation, humiliation, intimidation, or isolating someone from their peers.
Cyberbullying: A more modern form of bullying, this happens through digital platforms like social media, texting, or online games. It might include sharing hurtful content, excluding someone from group chats, or posting embarrassing photos without permission.
All of these types of bullying can show up in schools, online, on the playground, or even in extracurricular spaces like sports teams or clubs.
Who is at risk?
Bullying can happen to any child — but certain kids are more likely to be targeted. Children may be at higher risk of being bullied if they:
Are perceived as different (like being new to school, dressing differently, or having a disability)
Have fewer social connections or appear more withdrawn
Are seen as less able to defend themselves
Struggle with confidence, anxiety, or low self-esteem
Identify as LGBTQIA+, BIPOC, or are part of marginalized groups
On the flip side, kids who bully others may be acting out due to struggles of their own — like lack of parental support, peer pressure, emotional difficulties, or a need to feel powerful. Some are socially connected and use popularity as a weapon, while others may feel isolated and lash out.
Signs your child might be experiencing bullying
Sometimes, kids don’t have the words to explain what’s going on. But their behavior can speak volumes. Here are some signs to watch for:
Sudden changes in mood — more sadness, anger, or anxiety
Withdrawal from friends, family, or favorite activities
Trouble sleeping or changes in appetite
Avoiding school or making excuses to stay home
Saying things like “I don’t want to talk about it” or “It’s nothing” but seeming visibly upset
Drop in self-esteem or saying things like “I’m not good enough”
Acting out more aggressively or losing interest in hobbies
If you’re noticing any of these red flags, it’s worth checking in with your child. They may need your help even if they don’t quite know how to ask for it.
The effects of bullying
The effects of bullying go far beyond bruises or hurt feelings. Research shows that bullying can impact a child’s mental health, academic performance, and overall development.
Kids who are bullied are more likely to experience:
Anxiety and depression
Lower self-confidence
Difficulty concentrating in class
Avoidance of school or social situations
Loneliness or social isolation
Feelings of helplessness or fear
The good news? With the right support — especially from trusted adults — these effects can be minimized and even reversed over time.
What can parents do?
There’s no perfect script for parenting through bullying — but there are simple, powerful steps you can take to support your child.
1. Open the door to conversation
Create a calm, judgment-free space where your child feels safe talking. Ask open-ended questions like:
“What’s been going on at school lately?”
“Is there anything that’s made you feel uncomfortable or upset?”
“Have you seen anyone being treated unfairly?”
Listen without jumping in to fix things right away. Show empathy, validate their feelings, and remind them you’re on their team.
You can also keep an eye on their devices, like phones and computers, if you think inappropriate content is being shared. Again, this isn’t about catching them doing something wrong, but to help them deal with what’s going on around them.
2. Focus on connection, not correction
Kids who are hurting need connection more than correction. That means instead of trying to fix the situation for them, they benefit from more time with you — even if it’s just watching a funny video or going for a walk.
When kids lead the way, it builds their confidence and sense of control. You can even role-play responses with them to help them feel more prepared.
3. Work as a team with the school
If your child is experiencing bullying in school, loop in the teacher, principal, or school counselor. Ask about safety plans, policies, and how they support students during conflicts. A team approach — home and school — is key to making real change.
4. Build up their inner strengths
Help your child name their strengths (“I’m kind,” “I’m brave,” “I’m creative”) and remind them how those traits can guide them through challenges. Confidence doesn’t come from avoiding hard things, it comes from facing them.
Don’t forget yourself
When your child is hurting, it’s natural to feel angry, anxious, or even helpless. That’s why your well-being matters too. Practice calming strategies (like deep breathing or taking a break before reacting), reach out for support, and remind yourself: you don’t have to do this alone.
A BrightLife Kids coach can be an incredible support for you and your child as you navigate bullying. Your coach is here to help your child build confidence, practice responses, and develop emotional tools to face tough situations — all in a calm, caring space. At the same time, you’ll get expert guidance on how to talk with your child, work with their school, and take care of your own emotional well-being along the way.
Bullying isn’t just a school issue — it’s a human one. It’s about how we treat each other, how we teach our kids to navigate conflict, and how we show up for them when life gets hard.
By learning the types of bullying, watching for the effects of bullying, and working together to address bullying in schools, we can help our children feel stronger, safer, and more connected — one conversation at a time.
Need more support?
BrightLife Kids offers free behavioral health coaching, digital tools, and care coordination for families with kids ages 0–12. It’s simple, compassionate help — at no cost to you and signing up only takes a few minutes.