ND 1-2-3: When kids miss school because of bullying

The stats tell us that neurodivergent kids are bullied more often than their peers. Unfortunately, the unique traits that make a child different can also make them a target. 

Things like stimming, talking a lot about a special interest, missing social cues, or reacting strongly to too much noise or light can stand out. 

Kids who engage in bullying behaviors often notice. Some target those traits on purpose.  Teachers, parents, and other adults can help in a few simple ways.

Here’s the 1-2-3:

1. Know what targeting often looks like: Bullying aimed at a neurodivergent child does not always look like classic bullying. It can look like other kids tricking a child into embarrassing themselves. It can be when a child copies another child’s stims or way of talking. It might mean leaving a child out of a group while acting like it was an accident. It can also mean overwhelming a child’s senses on purpose, like making a sudden loud noise near a child who is sensitive to sound, just to cause a meltdown. Sometimes kids film it and laugh.
   
   For example, if your child sits in the same seat every day, kids who engage in bullying behavior might purposefully sit in that exact seat. They do it just to watch the child’s confused or upset reaction. If your neurodivergent child is very honest, another child might intentionally trick them into saying something that gets them in trouble or laughed at. These patterns can be harder to spot than a shove in the hallway or a quick, hurtful comment.
   
   
   

2. Ask specific questions, not general ones: If you ask your child, “Is anyone being mean to you?” you might get an emphatic “no” — even when something is wrong. Many neurodivergent kids have a hard time understanding if something was unkind or done on purpose. This is especially true if the person inflicting the bullying behavior said it was a joke or a game.
   
   Try changing the questions you ask. A few examples are: “Has anyone been copying the way you talk or move? What happens if someone laughs at you at school? Has anyone gotten you to do something and then told the teacher? Is there anyone you try to avoid at school?” These specific questions can bring up patterns and behaviors that broad or vague questions might miss.
   
   
   

3. Build a plan that addresses your child’s actual experience: When you talk to the school, instead of just saying they’re being bullied, describe the specific pattern. Ask staff and teachers to watch and listen for it directly. It may not look obvious to an adult glancing across a cafeteria.
   
   At home, remind your child that being different isn’t the problem. They aren’t at fault. How other kids are treating them is what needs to be addressed. The solution isn’t for your child to read social cues or get better at ignoring it. Make sure they know that everyone is responsible for their choices. You and their teacher are there to support them and make sure they are treated with respect.
   
   

A child who feels safe being exactly who they are, even if they’re targeted, will continue to build confidence. Knowing they have trusted adults to rely on is vital to their safety and their growth. 

If your child is the target of bullying behavior and you’re not sure what to do about it, we can help. Our free coaches are able to give you and your child the skills, tools, and language to ask for what they need and deserve. Why not start the conversation with us today?