Tips for dealing with school-related anxiety

Kids worry about school for all kinds of reasons — tests, speaking in front of the class, not knowing where to sit at lunch. That's just part of growing up. But these days, it seems like those worries can feel even bigger. Your child might imagine scary “what ifs,” like What if something bad happens while I’m at school? or What if I can’t handle the day?

School-related anxiety happens when a child’s worries about what might happen start to feel bigger or scarier than you would expect for a typical school day. It’s common, and it can show up in many ways.

If your child seems anxious about school, they might be stuck thinking the same scary or tricky thoughts again and again. They might complain of stomachaches or headaches when it’s time to catch the bus. Some kids may even refuse going altogether, which is often described as school avoidance. Whether it’s a full meltdown at the door or quiet tears before bedtime, these behaviors are real indicators of stress — not “bad behavior.”

Ignoring a child's fear of school or hoping they’ll simply outgrow it may make worries more intense. Instead, here are some things you can try to help a child who feels anxious or scared to go to school.

Tips for school anxiety

Listen to their fears

Invite your child to share what’s on their mind. Let them talk and try not to jump in with solutions right away. Simply listening and repeating back what you hear can help them feel understood and less alone.

Make a plan

Once your child has shared their worries, help them figure out what’s in their control. Instead of avoiding what feels scary, guide them toward small, brave steps. For example, they could walk to their classroom with a trusted adult to build confidence, or choose a safe place where they can take a short break and check in with a teacher if they need to. The key is to create a plan that helps them face their fears with support, not run from them, so they feel stronger each time.

Understand where worries come from

Sometimes worries pop up and feel really true, even when they’re not. You can help your child step back by saying, “Sounds like your worry is telling a story. Let’s check if it’s true.” This helps them see worries as just thoughts, not facts, and remember they have people and tools to lean on when things feel big.

Face the fear

One way for kids to outgrow their school anxiety is by facing it. Each time your child takes a brave step, they get the chance to see what actually happens — and see that what they were worried about doesn’t always happen.

This new learning builds confidence: “I thought something bad might happen, but it didn’t.” Over time, these real-life experiences help shrink the power of anxiety and grow your child’s sense of courage.

Stick to a routine

Maintain a daily schedule with clear wake-up and bedtime routines and consistent meal-times. This also will help you make sure they’re getting enough to eat and sleep. Knowing what comes next gives children a sense of safety and control.

Troubleshooting kids' concerns

Quick encouragement like “You’re fine” or “Don’t worry” usually don’t help as much as we hope. They can actually backfire, making a child feel like their feelings are “wrong” or like they’re supposed to feel a way they just can’t right then. 

When children feel anxious, they need to feel understood. Instead of offering encouraging words, try saying, “I hear you.” Then repeat back what your child shares so they know you’re listening. 

You might add, “It sounds like you’re nervous about math class,” or “You’re worried about something happening at lunch.” Naming the worry shows that you get it and makes the fear feel more manageable. Then you can ask what they’re most afraid might happen and talk together about what’s likely to happen and what’s not.

If they’re not open to the conversation, let them know, “I’m here whenever you want to talk,” and follow through by carving out small moments to connect. Reading together, playing a game, or sharing a snack after school gives your child regular chances to open up without pressure. These everyday interactions build trust, making it easier for kids to bring up tough topics.

It also helps when kids see you coping with big feelings. That means talking out loud about what you notice and how you handle it. For example, in the car you might say, “Wow, I’m feeling worried that this traffic will make us late. My heart’s beating fast. But remember how Ms. Garcia said she understands when families are late sometimes because it happens to her, too. Plus, you usually start with morning activities — so it’ll probably be okay.”

Depending on the time of year, you might also do a September Check-In. This is a simple way to reconnect and notice how your child is really doing before worries like back-to-school anxiety have a chance to build. Transitions take time, and there are ways you can help your kids handle them.

When to reach out for extra support

If your child’s worries keep them from enjoying school or daily activities, you don’t have to handle it alone. When school anxiety continues or begins to affect daily routines like sleep, meals, or friendships, it may be time to schedule a coaching session and explore additional resources.

BrightLife Kids offers free, confidential coaching for parents and caregivers of children ages 0–12. Our behavioral health coaches can help you understand what’s driving your child’s anxiety. They'll also share practical strategies for easing their fear of school, and support you as you put a plan in place. Sessions are virtual and flexible, so you can connect at a time that works for your family. Members also have access to tools that can start helping your child feel more confident about school.

Signing up for BrightLife Kids is free. Our coaches can help your child feel safer and more confident — and give you fresh strategies to guide them through their anxiety about school.